Take Yourself Out of that Little Box

A woman posted in a facebook group I'm in about a "new" thing called Orthorexia Nervosa. Long story short, the article she posted was grossly biased and it had me going back and forth between telling her so and not saying a thing. Normally when I am torn like this I might ask myself why I'm so conflicted, or why I even care.

In order to know why I care, it is important to let you know what Orthorexia Nervosa is. If it kind of sounds like an eating disorder, that's because it is. In short it's when your drive to eat "right" gets to a level of obsession where it's affecting your quality of life. 

Where it gets sticky is what the word "right" means. Eating right is just another word for "whatever your motivations are" and that could be anything from eating fully raw, to eating paleo, to atkins, low calorie, low fat, low water, low chocolate, etc.

This is all important to me because I generally err on the side of obsessive with a lot of things. My mom has called it "an addictive personality" but I really think it's just a love of control and wholeness. When I'm not dieting I am obsessing about food, when I am dieting I'm obsessing about food. When I've made a decision to stop using shampoo, the number of days I've gone without becomes a small measure of worth. My ability to stick to something is at stake. When I am in a store and there are multiple colors of one thing, I want ALL THE COLORS. At work when there is a pile of fresh notebooks - I need one. I need one every time there is a fresh pile of notebooks until I have accumulated 16 blank notebooks in my office.

I'm not one of those people who are like "There's this thing about me that only I have and it's very rare." If this is happening to me I'll bet its happening to a lot of people, so I'm thinking you might be able to relate in some way. I think a lot of disorders out there are magnified versions of general human instincts. It's normal to want all the things - it's not normal to act on it every time and then drown in your own stuff. It's normal to want chocolate cake - it is not normal to bathe in it. It's normal to bite off a hangnail if you don't have any clippers around - it's not normal to chew your fingers till they bleed. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

Anyway, those behaviors can be scary when they get that point, you know, the one where it's affecting your quality of life. Sometimes I can get like that, and in the past I have been to a point of acting out dangerous behaviors. No bueno.

I eventually did reply to that facebook post. I didn't mention that the article was a crock of spit, but I basically said that Orthorexia Nervosa is really not that far-fetched a thing. Then guess what I did?

I washed my hair with shampoo and ate a cookie.

+/- 21 Days of Exercise

Well I've spent the last four days on struggle street when it comes to my 21 days straight of exercise. Saturday was the first day this whole time that I REALLY wasn't feeling it. I honestly never actually feel like working out (which you probably know); but this day I was on a different level. I call this level "bargaining" and we'll talk about that later. On the bright side, I made it 12 days before even considering an alternative for the day's planned workout. 

So Saturday, even though I had all the time in the world to work out, clean my room, brainstorm Etsy store ideas, write to you right here, etc. I chose to do none of those things, and I watched Marco Polo on Netflix. ALL. DAY. I knew I had a responsibility to myself to work out. Up until this point I had relied on the feeling of having "no choice," but something that day changed and I started going over my options. I was BARGAINING with myself.

"I didn't work out yet."

...

"Well, I could skip."

**deep breath**

**exhaling "Obviously I can't do that."**

"If I skip I will have to write about it and tell people I skipped."

...

"I could lie."

"For what? Lie to who?"

"It's kind of nice out, I could go for a run."

...

**eyes pan to the window, looking outside from my warm bed**

...

"It's not that nice."

"Well what counts as exercise?"

...

"I could do the 10-minute ab workout on the dvd."

"Ok ten minutes is not bad."

"Well neither is thirty minutes, but that's somehow too much today."

"10 minutes is not as bad as 30 minutes."

"I'm doing 10-minute abs."

**walking to the basement**

"Ok, well tomorrow is yoga and if I do 10-minute abs today, which is easier than dirty thirty, and I do the cardio tomorrow, it will be like I just switched days."

"Ok that works."

So I worked out for 10 minutes and went about my Saturday night into Sunday afternoon plans, and guess what happened Sunday night.

BARGAINING. 

I'm sad to report that on Sunday my lazy side was a sneaky bitch and she got her way. Meaning, I didn't work out. I missed a day.

Then Monday I had an after-work-thing and Tina (sneaky bitch just got a name) tried really hard to convince me to not work out again. Luckily I had come to terms with my missed exercise earlier that day by talking it out with myself and coming clean to my coworker (she's also my only confirmed reader - I know because she usually reads my posts while I'm in the room).

Confessing that I had experienced failure, and knowing that I was now going to have to write about failure, kind of took the all or nothing attitude out of my... Failure. I am okay with calling it that too, because technically the goal was 100% adherence and I didn't make it. I'm passed the days of lying to myself. I'm okay with over 95% adherence though. My pass/fail assignment has just become a classic percentage grading scale and I'm still getting an A+.

So my massage is scheduled for the 17th and I am going to still reward myself for 21 days of exercise, with one skip and an extra day tacked onto the end. My last day is the 15th, so I can work out the 16th and get my massage the 17th.

All in all I have learned a little something about the balance of an all or nothing attitude. A lot of times I really, truly do need to start off super rigid with my goals, or Tina will knock them right out of my hands. (Tina needs structure or she will act out.) Eventually though the all-or-nothing can hurt me if I do make a mistake. Basically I have to bluff to Tina and hope she doesn't realize I've bluffed until we are half way through to completing a goal. At that point in time some of the rigidity can fall off and I can ride the I've-come-this-far wave to the end of the goal.

Next time we talk about the 21 days of exercise we'll know. We'll know if I have conquered my irrational inability to stick to an exercise regimen. We'll discuss what my next steps are, and if I feel like a habit has been formed after 21 days.

In the meantime I may update you on Project No Poo. Until then.

Daily Exercise - Week One Accomplished

This weekend I found out I have two more readers than I thought I had. Shout out to the O'Learys!

Ok, so I've hit a milestone... One week of exercising EVERY DAY. Ta da. I worked out for 7 (now 8) days in a row and I'm ready to celebrate. The celebration is right here, with you, right now.

So here is a weekfull of glitzy stars for my weekfull of exercise. I can't believe I am going to say this, but it was worth it. I actually feel good. Could it be possible that everyone was right about consistent exercise? Is it doable? Is it *gasp* rewarding? Maybe one day I will even grow to like it... 

Annnnd I just realized I didn't tell you about my REWARD I planned for getting through 3 weeks of working out everyday.... I'm going to get a massage. I meant to tell you that in my post last Thursday (about the daily exercise) but I forgot to add it when re-writing the entire thing. Long story.

Anyway now that it's been a week and I'm a fitness guru, I'm sort of feeling like its silly to reward myself for only three weeks of working out with a massage. What next? Do I get myself a castle for 3 months of daily exercise? It's hard to ignore how much the promise of a massage (not a fitter, stronger body) has dragged me this far in the process, so I think I'm going to have to let it happen and worry about the next steps when they come.

I think the reason it's such a big deal to me is, well first of all, I'm succeeding at something I've never done, but also I'm attributing all of this seemingly effortless and amazing will power/motivation to the promise of a massage. This may or may not be the real reason for the success I've seen, but what if it is? I am afraid that without placing a light at the end of whatever tunnel I build for myself next, I might never get through.

Luckily, I have you to share my hopes and dreams and fears with. 

P.s. My hair is greasy as hell tonight.

No Poo for You

Alright, it looks like I might be attempting to go "no poo" pretty soon. I have had dandruff from hell for the last 5 or more years, and my fine hair gets overly greasy after 24 hours. No Poo is a hair care method that seems to be relatively new (or maybe just new to me) where you stop using standard shampoo and conditioner and you replace them with baking soda and apple cider vinegar (respectively) until you can stop using products altogether. Or you can just go cold turkey.

Reasons I've gathered for somebody to go No Poo:

- you have a hair or scalp abnormality you are trying to fix (me)
- you prefer to use less chemicals on your body (sort of me)
- you want to save money on shampoo and conditioner (hey, I'm in)
- you like a challenge (sure)
- its trendy (okay)
- your friends are doing it (soon to be you -- jk)

Here's more info on going no poo. This is my entire resource on the matter!

So basically I just need to get some baking soda and apple cider and mix them with water in the following ratios (from the link above):

They say that even if your hair is normally very oily, that it could very well be because regular shampoos are stripping your scalp of natural oils and it is overcompensating. I can get on board with that theory. My current method for taming my dandruff is T-gel which works pretty well, but my scalp then becomes very dry and itchy in the winter. I'm willing to try mostly anything to get my scalp to calm the F down.

Two more things:

- The greasy transition stage is apparently different for everyone. Some people might have no problem, but if your hair is usually greasy after a day you might have a more difficult time adapting to the absence of shampoo. I am going to try it, and as long as the greasy look doesn't get too awful I will try to push through.

- As I understand it, the baking soda and vinegar mixes are meant to just get you through the initial stages of going no poo. I don't think they are a "forever" shampoo and conditioner replacement, but I don't see why you couldn't keep using them. You don't have to be a hero unless you want to be.

I'll let you know how long I last!

21 Days of Exercise - Eww

My back is so sore this morning and I LOVE it. It's because I've worked out for the last three days in a row, and I'm determined to continue this streak for the next 18 days. This is my second 21 day fix, but I'm starting out a little differently. Last fix I started strong but the exercise fell off quickly, so I focused on food and getting the plan right. Now, I have the food part down pretty solid and I'm beginning a second week with a big focus in exercising every day.

Post workout shot with Jordy - she keeps me honest.

Most people (including me) might say that going from exercising very little, or not at all, to an everyday plan isn't a great idea. Burn out is REAL in both the mental and physical realms. That is totally true. I know from experience. Running everyday when you're just starting out is a horrible idea. However, this idea is different. Obviously, the people who created 21 Day Fix planted some "active rest days" into the exercise DVDs with the likelihood of burnout in mind. They know exercise every day can include active rest days and still count. They basically put that fact right in my face, but for whatever reason, it was actually this article that changed my perspective.

They brought a new idea to the table, which was actually something I had wondered before: if they say doing something everyday for X number of days straight will form a habit (questionable logic, but good to making something that appears to be impossible seem manageable), how am I going to form a habit out of something I only do 3 or 4 days a week? Well the answer is, if you're having trouble, don't do it 3-4 days a week, dummy. Do it every day.

Here's my preschool-style exercise chart! I keep it at work and get a sparkly star sticker for every exercise day.
You can see I filed my taxes on the 20th. Financial independence turns me on.

So with the idea of burnout still in mind, you can imagine that deciding to go to the gym everyday might not be a great plan. If you're like me, going to the gym (even if its on the way home) isn't something you'd want to do for 10 minutes. If I'm going to the gym I have to feel like there is some kind of time based return on my efforts to get there. If I changed my clothes and hauled my ass to the gym, I need to be there for probably an hour to make it "worth it." I know the logic isn't sound, because I could spend an hour in the steam room vs 10 minutes doing Tabata intervals and obviously the latter is a better option in terms of getting a workout. Anyway, the point is, sometimes (in the dead of winter) DVDs are a great option.

The other point is:
Do what works for you. Your lazy half is a stubborn fool and sometimes you have to trick her into getting work done.

21 Day Fix Report

I'm coming to the end of week three of the 21 Day Fix eating plan I'm on. I will admit, my daily exercise routine fell off at the end of week one. Although, that week I did work out 5 days in a row, which is pretty huge for me. Also, I have been successful with the eating plan. To sum up the plan without gaining a lawsuit (for giving away trade secrets), I have basically gotten myself into a clean eating, portion control program. I knew about the portions - there are colored containers - but I didn't necessarily pick up on the clean eating part right away.

Before getting into details of the plan I want to add that I have not adhered to the plan 100%. Before starting I knew I had a dinner party the first weekend and a family get together the second weekend. I was able to eat clean all week and I did indulge for ONE meal at each party. That's one of the important things. They weren't "cheat days" they were "cheat meals." Big difference.

I am pretty excited about how I've been eating. Although... I am always excited about food - hence the reason I am even worrying about this. I'm excited for two reasons:

One, I feel like I have finally found a sustainable "eating right" plan that I could really apply to the rest of my life.

Two, I have FINALLY, FINALLY found a way to combat my biggest diet/commitment problem. It's called decision fatigue, and I didn't have a name for it until the first week in January. I was talking to a friend on gchat about my past inability to commit to a diet and she sent me the article I just linked about willpower. I didn't even end up reading the entire article right away because I was just too excited about the paragraph about decision fatigue. Now that I've been able to identify my biggest hurdle I can manage it so much better. When I wake up every day knowing what I'm going to be eating that day, the exhausting process of trying-to-find-something-healthy-to-eat-while-you're-ravenous becomes a non-issue.

The best way to combat decision fatigue is to meal plan. A step further than that is to plan for cravings. My biggest cravings are for sweets and dairy, so for this week I planned to eat these tacos with a big dollop of greek yogurt on them to replace the mounds of sour cream that I usually crave with tacos. It actually worked. Greek yogurt alone doesn't taste like sour cream (not even close) but paired with a corn tortilla and ground turkey made with low sodium taco seasoning, I didn't even have to pretend. It was great! I honestly didn't even need the cheese I used. For the rest of the week I had just the turkey and "sour cream."

Of course even with the taco and sour cream plan I still have cravings daily. I even crave things I normally wouldn't eat. For example, I was pumping gas the other day and this monster buffalo sandwich ad was staring me right in the face. Normally this wouldn't even be something I'd want, but since I couldn't have it... It was the best looking sandwich I'd ever seen.

Meal planning doesn't "fix" my problems; but it has definitely made the tough choices easier, and helped me tame the hangry beast inside of me (most of the time). Next post I'll show you some more of the great substitutions I made these last few weeks, and which ones made me want to puke.

Three Weeks is Too Long!

Hey! So I just checked, and it's been almost three weeks since my last post. You could say I really enjoyed my time off from work. Does it feel like two weeks since we've talked? It's felt like longer to me.

Even with how long it's been, I don't actually have a lot of maker-stuff to report. Actually, that's a lie. I made FOUR pies for Christmas, but I'll tell you about those later.

What I really want to talk about is how things are changing for me. Do you remember when I said that I like this blog because I can write about whatever I want? Basically it's an "anything blog" and I designed it that way because I knew at any moment my direction could, and would, change. I'm done with making (and the Etsy store) for a little while. Maybe it's for a few weeks or a month or even a few months (doubtful), but it's definitely for now.

What does that mean for The Hungry Hobbyist? Well, nothing. It really means not much will change except for the general content might be less tutorial-y and more of a narrative... although a lot of the content has been narrative already. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything? I'm just trying to be honest with you.

SO, what did I do with two blissful weeks off? Well, I got a lot of video game playing done. I caught up on my sleep, and cleaned my 7-year-old Ugg boots. I made the pies for Christmas. I spent time with my family. I spent a lot of time in pajamas, and I got the teeny tiny first steps of a homemade pottery wheel project started. You'll definitely hear about the pottery wheel thing later. Maybe there will be tutorials.

I also realized in the last 6 months that I've gained a lot of weight and was feeling kind of crappy about it. The pictures above (left: before, right: after) say it all. We took a Christmas picture of the family and the entire time I was trying to hold my head in such a way that I only had one chin. It was exhausting checking each photo to make sure my face didn't look fat. You can't suck in your whole face at once, that I know of, so I guess it's time for a change. Also, I did a lot of lounging, which is totally fine (and well deserved IMO). Lounging is for the gods. And me. Lounging is for me and the gods. Except this lounging felt a little less like godliness and more like... pudding. Maybe it's all the pies I've been making. Maybe its the brewery tours. Maybe it's lovers' bliss. It's probably all of those things plus the fact that I've only gone running three times since my half marathon in OCTOBER. Aka, no exercise, all busy all the time with Etsy stuff, and eating like a fool. So here's what I'm gonna do and what I'm not gonna do:

I'm not going to go into a huge plug for the exercise/eating system I'm using, but I have no problem telling you I'm doing a Beach Body program called 21 Day Fix and my coach's name is Kira Mostoller. In a nutshell, the fix is a three week thing of healthy eating and regular exercise. Revolutionary, really.

I have some high hopes for this plan, I'll tell ya, because I've seen success and failure many times in this realm, and I know what a good start looks like when I see one. I'm off to a good start y'all.

Stick around. I'll be giving you all the dirty deets of my beach body experience and I'll let you know what works and what doesn't. I'll also tell you how I made a pottery wheel from other people's trash.