Thursday, July 23, 2015

You Are Fine and Good

I spent 11 hours in the car with my boyfriend on Sunday. Not a terrible thing, bc look at this babe. <3


But, I spent a lot of the drive thinking about food and what my next meal would be. Namely, I was thinking about how many kinds of pop-tarts I could eat, and where I could get a greasy cheeseburger with mayonnaise and buttery bread. 

It all started because I was thinking about how much work it was/is going to be to get back to eating clean after the free-for-all-eating I did all week on vacation. And then, I started to bargain with myself about possibly letting the chaotic eating continue for "just a week", and then cutting it off. 

I already knew the flavor of the day at my favorite frozen custard place was dirty turtle, and I even chose the most convenient location to carry out my master plan on the ride home from Rob's. The next stop, once I got off the turnpike, would be Five Guys where I would get a double bacon cheeseburger with mayo, cooked onions, mushrooms, etc. Then at home I could lay in bed, and watch a movie with the pop-tarts I would buy at my last stop, the grocery store.

The thoughts continued like this for a while, and even while having them I knew these were the unhealthy thoughts of a food addict. I still couldn't control them. I decided that these thoughts were "what I get" for eating poorly on vacation. I decided that I had lost my previously found control, and I was doomed to an uphill battle riddled with processed food wrappers and sick stomachs for the next few weeks, or however long until I could get my sugar addiction back under control... If I ever got my sugar addiction back under control.

Then I had dinner.


I left Rob's with the food plans I had made earlier on my mind. I was going to do them. And then after a few minutes of driving and digesting my dinner, I realized in order to acquire and eat all of this crazy food I would also be skipping my Over Eaters Anonymous meeting (oops, said it - not supposed to). Skipping OA to gorge on junk food. Great plan Tor.

So anyway, somehow I talked myself out of it and was feeling pretty good. Then my car broke down, but we're not even going to talk about that. The point is, I talked myself off of the biggest binge-cliff possible, and I think this is the first time that's ever happened.

Yesterday I ate clean all day without a problem.


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