Thursday, July 23, 2015

You Are Fine and Good

I spent 11 hours in the car with my boyfriend on Sunday. Not a terrible thing, bc look at this babe. <3


But, I spent a lot of the drive thinking about food and what my next meal would be. Namely, I was thinking about how many kinds of pop-tarts I could eat, and where I could get a greasy cheeseburger with mayonnaise and buttery bread. 

It all started because I was thinking about how much work it was/is going to be to get back to eating clean after the free-for-all-eating I did all week on vacation. And then, I started to bargain with myself about possibly letting the chaotic eating continue for "just a week", and then cutting it off. 

I already knew the flavor of the day at my favorite frozen custard place was dirty turtle, and I even chose the most convenient location to carry out my master plan on the ride home from Rob's. The next stop, once I got off the turnpike, would be Five Guys where I would get a double bacon cheeseburger with mayo, cooked onions, mushrooms, etc. Then at home I could lay in bed, and watch a movie with the pop-tarts I would buy at my last stop, the grocery store.

The thoughts continued like this for a while, and even while having them I knew these were the unhealthy thoughts of a food addict. I still couldn't control them. I decided that these thoughts were "what I get" for eating poorly on vacation. I decided that I had lost my previously found control, and I was doomed to an uphill battle riddled with processed food wrappers and sick stomachs for the next few weeks, or however long until I could get my sugar addiction back under control... If I ever got my sugar addiction back under control.

Then I had dinner.


I left Rob's with the food plans I had made earlier on my mind. I was going to do them. And then after a few minutes of driving and digesting my dinner, I realized in order to acquire and eat all of this crazy food I would also be skipping my Over Eaters Anonymous meeting (oops, said it - not supposed to). Skipping OA to gorge on junk food. Great plan Tor.

So anyway, somehow I talked myself out of it and was feeling pretty good. Then my car broke down, but we're not even going to talk about that. The point is, I talked myself off of the biggest binge-cliff possible, and I think this is the first time that's ever happened.

Yesterday I ate clean all day without a problem.


Thursday, July 16, 2015

The Voice

Writing to you while looking at the Atlantic Ocean, and hoping nobody gets bitten by a shark because I'm in South Carolina.

I've been having a tough time finding my voice for the last few weeks. True, I did a photo post of my trip to Naples in June and of the Cleveland trip from the end of May, but photo album posts are the easiest kind. Fun for me, probably fun for you, but not cathartic for either of us, IMO.

The last time I wrote any ideas down was back on June 2nd when I told you I was growing my hair out. That's still happening. 

A LOT of other things have been happening too. And like a true blogger, I have started writing about all of them... many times. You'll get the details eventually, but I thought I'd share some of the things I've been having a tough time getting down into words. Spoiler alert.

In the last month or two I have:

Started learning to play guitar
Become a Crossfit addict
Gone to two 12 step program meetings (can't say the name technically... Has to do with compulsive overeating)
Made and photographed three recipes that I haven't told you about (two of them were pies)
Test driven the apple watch

I owe you a lot of posts too. The following is a list of things I have promised you, but not delivered on, YET:

I said I would tell you how my anti aging research has gone - it's on pause, but I have a routine down.
I owe you a lot of pie-making experiences.
I said I would tell you how growing my hair out was going - it's still going.

So now I'm going to go back to getting a tan and eating my weight in carbs every day.